She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
