i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
