you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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