Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
