Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
