I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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