and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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