That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
