We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
