Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
