True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
