His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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