Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
