I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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