You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
