I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
