Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
