Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
