Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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