as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
