TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just found a bag of teeth...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
