If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
