You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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