Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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