it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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