Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
