I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
