If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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