well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
