So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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