Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
