Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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