I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
