So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
