He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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