You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shitshow foam night was such a success
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
