I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
