If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't deserve a penis
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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