mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
