wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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