She said her name was "party"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize