i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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