he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
