how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
