Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
