i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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