I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize