We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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