i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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