You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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