I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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