I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My life is pants optional.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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