Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
