is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
