what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
