So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
