Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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