He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize