i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
