Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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