I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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