Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
