I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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