I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
