what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
tell me about the eggs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
