It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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