you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
