mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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