I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
