fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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