i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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