We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize