i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am naked and annoyed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
