Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
