someone get that fucking seahorse.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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