Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
