Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize