omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
