Little spoons don't ask big questions
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
