she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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