well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
