I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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