i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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