Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
