I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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