i just had sex bonerless
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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