i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
