He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
