um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize