we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
