Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
