We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
