I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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